


Echo

by TrickstrChange



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Post-Canon, Smoking, akira has an identity crisis: the fic, mentions of goro akechi but not as romantic as the writer wishes they were, mostly stream of consciousness bullshit, no betas we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26590738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickstrChange/pseuds/TrickstrChange
Summary: Akira feels - empty. Like a crash after a high, there's a crater of where his emotions used to be, but he still feels - bad? Terrible? He doesn't know.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Echo

**Author's Note:**

> work title taken from Echo by Kevin Abstract

Akira feels - empty. Like a crash after a high, there's a crater of where his emotions used to be, but he still feels - bad? Terrible? He doesn't know. Killing a god is one hell of a high. Waking up after with no powers and no goals in life is one hell of a crash.

It's not all bad, he knows things are going better than they would had this not happened - he has friends, friends he would trust with his life ( _friends he_ _ had _ _trusted with his life, multiple times when fighting monsters far bigger than anything he could imagine taking on before_ ) who haven't been there before. His probation's over, he has a future ahead of him, provided he keeps his grades up ( _what field of study would allow him to help people the most, even if Akira will never even come close to outdoing what Joker's accomplished...?_ ) 

He has a talking cat. A talking cat that, finally, sleeps in his own room, even if his room is a repurposed hallway closet and he still jumps onto Akira's bed to fall asleep half the time.

The thing is, Akira just doesn't know what to do with it all. 

( _He wanted to change the world, still wants to, but it feels like he has to grow up now - there's no more stealing people's hearts. No more gods to fight, only other people, stuck in the same shitty situations as before, with no simple way to help them._ )

He wonders if it's selfish to cry over losing power that he probably wouldn't have wielded, had things been even a little different.

( _He wonders if it's selfish to want that power back._ )

Even if he technically still isn't an adult, Akira feels like one. He's seen how the system corrupts people. He's seen what it did to him, to Akechi ( _he misses him too, a glove still tucked into the pocket of his coat, abd that's another ache he's afraid to linger on_ ), to so many others. He knows that solving this is going to require years and years of hard work not just from him, but from many others, an uphill struggle with little guarantee of any actual progress.

( _He wishes he could start a revolution. Fight another god, he'd be willing to do anything just to be able to help those who are suffering for no reason other than society dealing them an unfair hand as soon as possible instead of watching them fall slowly through the cracks and knowing there's nothing he can do for them._ )

He knows wishful thinking and reminiscing isn't going to help anything. He feels like he needs to hurt regardless. To mourn the people that couldn’t be saved. ( _To mourn the people that he couldn’t save._ ) To realize that he might have reached the peak of his potential before even becoming an adult. ( _To realize that even if Joker still lives within him, he’ll never have that kind of power again_ ). 

Life goes on, but letting go of the past is painful. It was the best, most painful year of his life.

He pushes his face into the pillow to muffle the sob that comes out of him almost involuntarily. 

He should probably call someone. Talk about it. But he knows everyone else is moving on, is moving towards processing everything that’s happened, moving into making the world a better place in their own way. He wants to do that too. ( _He needs to do that alone - his friends had to find themselves from beneath their masks. He should too, even if what’s beneath his mask looks stubbornly like a mirror_.)

And so, instead, he cries quietly, hoping not to alert Morgana. Time goes on. He evens out his breathing. He’ll move on, it’s going to be okay. He’ll find a way to go, he’ll try a bunch of things, he’ll figure something out. The world isn’t over yet ( _and he did that, and he’ll never be able to do that again_ ).

He almost died. Akira feels like he still hasn’t had time to process that. 

In the dark, he reaches for the bottom drawer of his nighstand. He pulls out a half-empty pack of cigarettes, opens the window.

The lighter flickers. Smoking helps him calm down. He knows it’s bad for his health. With the ammount of bad-for-his-health things he’s gone through, Akira’s decided to take the odds. He makes sure to never smoke in front of Mona, still kind of afraid of his cat yelling at him for picking up any unhealthy habits. 

The smoke puffs into the cold air, dissipating. The first slivers of sunrise peek from behind the hills - he’ll have to wake up for school soon.

Akira wonders what Akechi would think of him - he’d probably be disappointed, but - Akechi’s not here. ( _Akechi’s not going to be here, despite Akira’s best efforts, despite the small spark of hope from his train ride home._ )

He snuffs the cigarette on the windowsill, throws the butt into the trash. He should probably try to sleep. 

He slides back into bed, turns over the wet side of the pillow, closes his eyes. He knows he needs to move on, but in his dreams, nobody will see him put his mask on again.

**Author's Note:**

> yes i have feelings no i dont wanna talk about them yes i will literally die for constructive criticism but please be gentle because my ego is weak and easily wounded if you saw any typos no you didn't


End file.
